You must make the conscious decision to be a leader. You must lead your life with confidence, gratitude, and a work ethic that will make those significant to you proud.
You may never know when but at some point you will become a leader. Whether you chose it for yourself or someone else decided within them that you would be the leader they've been looking for.
Someone, somewhere will look up to you. Your child, coworker, significant other, or a random individual who likes the way you walk, talk, or look. It's only a matter of time.
We all have the ability to lead. It's within us. For many it's scary. We run, we hide, and hope the responsibility never catches up with us. When it does the pressure is on. Our conversations and actions are under a microscope. Our moves become influential. Our mistakes become exaggerated.
Don't let this scare you. You are meant to lead. You are meant to leave an impact. Once you accept your duty and have chosen to be the leader that runs in your blood, you will find the intrinsic riches that you've been looking for.
The first impression you make could be your last. Every new encounter carries a great weight with it. A relationship can be built or can be ruined by the first few words we speak. If you fail to make a lasting impression with your first interaction you may never get an opportunity again with that individual or company. If you leave a sour taste in someone’s mouth you’ll have to work twice as hard to cleanse their pallet in the future.
So how can we make a good first impression? How can we instill confidence and intrigue within the person standing opposite from us?
The first stage is the meet and greet. The first few seconds with someone will set the initial tone of the conversation. The keys here are to make eye contact, smile, and have a steady handshake. Exchange pleasantries and introductions as you embrace. If you avoid eye contact you will come across as intimidated, shy, and nervous. If you don’t smile your desire to be present comes into question. If you have an overly weak or strong handshake it serves as a distraction, immediately taking away from the focus of the conversation.
From here you must be fully present. The focus is on the individual across from you. Do not let your mind or eyes wonder off into the distance. This expresses disinterest and a lack of concentration. Stay in connection with the person you’re speaking to. Always listen. Do not just hear the person speaking. Listen, absorb, and learn what they are saying.
Keep your body language controlled and confident. Too much movement makes you seem anxious and uncomfortable. Too little makes you seem stiff and reserved. Remain tall with your shoulders pulled back and chest up. Do not slouch. Do not avoid eye contact. Stay calm and collected.
Try to relax into the conversation. Look for common ground, but do not make the conversation about yourself. People will find you arrogant. Most people tend to feel more comfortable talking about themselves. This also gives you an opportunity to learn about them. Listen and find the common ground or the points of interest that you can connect with. Finding this connection will build confidence in both parties as well as establish rapport.
From there stay the course and be true to who you are. If a relationship is meant to be then the foundation has been set.
We all want to fit in. We all like to feel important. We each crave to be a member of some group or tribe that is meaningful to us. Whether it’s a club that serves as a passionate hobby or a group that gives us validation in some manner, we want in.
Being part of something bigger than ourselves boosts our confidence, gives us a purpose, and provides us with social interactions that humans are meant for.
To be part of a relationship, to be a teammate, and to feel wanted are innate desires we are wired for. That’s why you see people go to great lengths to join an exclusive club or struggle to get out of an unhealthy relationship. That’s why from the dawn of time we’ve worked together. We’ve built tribes, villages, towns, and cities because we need that social belonging. Being parts of a whole gives us satisfaction. We are willing to risk our lives to protect our family.
Find your tribe. Protect it. Contribute to it. Love it.
Those around you have the biggest influence on your day to day life. Knowing this, surround yourself with the best of the best. Find people who strive for excellence. Look for those who are brilliant. Develop relationships with those who are accountable and successful. Make a habit of spending time with those who emit happiness and joy.
Their positive traits will rub off on you. Their habits will clue you in to why they are the way that they are. Their ideas, work ethic, and creativity can become contagious. Their lives will help mold and shape that of your own.
Venture out and join mastermind groups, professional organizations, and any other opportunity that can bring you one step closer to befriending these types of people.
Coaches teach, inspire, and lead us to our success. Without a coach athletes, teams, and people would never reach their full potential. What coaches do you have in your life?
Do you have a fitness coach to help take control of your health?
Do you have a business coach to help you build the business of your dreams?
Do you have a financial planner who can help you reach the financial freedom you desire?
Maybe you seek out coaches for your hobbies such as learning an instrument or foreign language, writing a book, or to learn woodworking?
Coaches matter. They can provide unbiased, critical feedback that is important for our development. They can see the mistakes we make, distractions that pull away our attention, and the weaknesses we possess that we are often blind too.
Consider what areas of life you need the most improvement or areas you seek to level up in. Find a coach in that niche who can help lead you to the success you wish for.
Tony Robbins suggest you model after those who have succeeded in fields you wish too. Tony says the best way to become successful is to look at those who already are and model your behavior after what they did to get there. Listen, examine, and learn what actions and steps they took in order to achieve all that they have. If certain behaviors worked for them there's a good chance they will work for you.
Modeling doesn't have to take place from a distance. Be willing to reach out and ask for guidance. Many individuals are willing to mentor those that look up to them in some manner. Many people have an innate desire to feel significant and help others. Mentoring can check off both those boxes. By asking an individual who you look up to to mentor you you can fast track your path to success. Be wiling to ask questions, listen thoughtfully, and take the actions they suggest. No one likes for their advice to fall on deaf ears.
Success in almost anything has been done before. Model, mimic, and mentor your way to the top.
Pareto's Principle is a law that states 80% of effects come from 20% of the causes. It's often referred to as the 80/20 Rule as well. Some examples:
80% of business revenue comes from 20% of it's clients.
80% of your happiness comes from 20% of your relationships/activities
80% of your fitness results comes from 20% of your exercise choices.
80% of the money is owned by 20% of the people.
Numbers are rarely exactly 80/20. The purpose the law is to determine efficiency. Find what activities or people provide the biggest bang for your buck and focus on those.
In your life are you developing those relationships that bring you the most joy or are you stuck focusing on the ones that bring back a very small, if any, return? At work are you caught up in the minor details and duties that only provide you with a fraction of productivity while sucking up a large amount of your time? Or do you focus on the important tasks that bring with them large amounts of productivity and success?
Your time should be highly focused on the most important responsibilities, people, and actions in your life. We tend to get caught up in the minor details, but this tends to hold us back. Focus on the big first. Then, if needed and time allows, focus on the minor.
No is a very important and powerful word. In a world where we are so accessible through phones, emails, and social media we are receiving so many requests for our attention. We get added to mailing lists, we join groups, and get thrown on every calling list companies can get away with. We are flooded with contacts wanting to sell us something, attend this or that, and have an ever-growing inbox that will never hit zero.
All the junk, telemarketers, and nonstop posting on social media can be extremely time consuming. How many times are those emails, calls, texts, or posts really worth our time and attention? I'd guess rarely. I'd guess we would save an immense amount of time, allowing us to focus on family and work that matters, by limiting our accessibility.
Many people find success only checking their emails at certain times (or better yet, have an assistant check it and only bring you the important messages). This ranges from one time per day to one time a week. By constantly having your email notifications distract you, you severely limit your ability to focus and be productive.
The same can be said with social media notifications. With the amount of activity on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. it is so easy to get mindlessly lost for an hour. Do yourself a favor and turn off notifications.
When a random phone number calls you, ignore it. Ninety-nine percent of the time it is a useless call that will waste a minute of your life and possibly frustrate you. If it is important they will leave a voicemail.
Time is one thing we can get more of. Do your best to make every minute count.
Friends, family, coworkers, mentors, doctors, coaches, etc... There are a lot of people who come into our lives for various reasons. These people can help or hurt us. They formulate the team around us that will either lead to success or failure, happiness or frustration, health or sickness... Who do you keep close?
Does your team let you live your best life? Do they allow you to do what you do best? Are you able to focus on what matters day after day? Every member of your team should empower you. Your teammates should enable you to reach your potential. If they currently don't bring you closer to your capabilities then their role must be reevaluated.
Teams have limits. There are only so many spots, roles, and responsibilities that need to be filled. Your goal should be to find the best individual for each spot. This is how you take your life to the next level.
How many of you take time off from work regularly? Do you use up the vacation time you're given? Are you able to get away from coworkers, employees, etc. on the weekends?
I am personally terrible at this. My employees text or call at least a couple times during my off hours every week. I don't usually mind it, and it's necessary at times, but it's also a system I've created by making myself available. If I were to not answer those phone calls or text messages would my employees become more reliable and dependent? As of this week my vacation time is completely maxed. If I don't take time off I stop accumulating vacation hours until I do. This isn't the first time either... It's probably one of my wife's biggest pet peeves, but I struggle to take time off.
I think it's based in fear to be honest. I fear that when I'm gone the gym won't operate smoothly. A situation will occur or a question will be asked that only I can fix. I don't think this has ever actually been the case, but in my head that's how I justify not taking time off.
Due to my wife being the strong woman she is, she has been able to convince me to take time off and vacation 3 times over the next 6 months. We'll be traveling to Portland next month. We're headed back to Las Vegas in November. We're spending Christmas on a cruise through the Caribbean.
Many successful people mention that one of the first things they do every year is schedule and book their vacations. If they don't do it at the start of the year then they are likely to not do it at all. I think this is a great idea for many people.
Jack Canfield recommends people take 130-150 days off every year. If you were able to get off every weekend that would result in 104 days a year. Add in a few holidays and a couple weeks of vacation and you're close to his minimum suggestion of 130. I'd love to find another 20 days off, wouldn't you?
We are Amber and Jordan Kirbey. We are excited to share our experiences and ideas with you!